Nurturing Separation Anxiety

When I was a kid, no dog anywhere had separation anxiety, at least none that anyone was aware of.  Our family dog, Susie (a Brittany Spaniel) stayed home when we went to the grocery store, out for dinner, or any other frequented place.  We never worried about her tearing up the house, barking the whole time we were gone, or chewing the sheet rock off the walls! Yes, I have had dogs I’ve trained that tore the sheet rock off the wall and even pulled curtains/blinds down!  Susie did go with us for the summer to our cabin at the lake, and even on our first trip to Idaho from Michigan when I was 16! 

So, what was the difference between Susie and so many dogs I work with now days?  Balance.  We nurtured a balance of relationship that was both independent and loving.  My father was a great dog trainer as I look back.  There was no such thing as crates then, so we kept her in a confined area where there was little to destroy when we had to leave.  She always had something to keep her occupied like a bone. There was no such thing as fancy chew toys back then either.  However, we DID start leaving her when she was little.  She learned quickly how to self-soothe. 

We took her unusual places. Living in the city, we did have a great yard, but we took her to my aunt’s house in the country where she got to see the garden, smell the woods and the farm critters.  And of course, there was the cabin at the lake where she learned to swim and go for boat rides.  She watched me fish off the dock and would alert when the bobber on my line started to wiggle!  Most of all, she stayed home, in the house when we drove into town to grocery shop.

Now days, people take their puppies to work, into stores, out to eat, and walk them every day.  While it seems like a much more nurturing life for the dogs, it can also build dependence which translates into separation anxiety.  I can’t even keep count of the dogs I see sitting in their owner’s lap at a restaurant, or how many dogs are in cars in the parking lot at the grocery store even on horribly hot days!!!! 

We need to ask ourselves, “Whose comforts are we nurturing; our dog’s or our own?”  Are we respecting our dog’s need to be well adjusted and stable, or are we more concerned with our own comfort? It is easy to cross over into the idea that going with us everywhere is what the dog wants.  Then, as time marches on, our dog becomes frantic when we are not in sight, or when he is not in our lap, and so on. Once our dog becomes so insecure with over-nurturing, that destructive behavior begins to dominate his and YOUR existence, now there is an even bigger problem and even destructive behaviors to solve.

What I hope to teach every day is “moderation in all things”.  Yes, take your dog on walks.  Yes, take your dog with you…in moderation.  It is so important for your dog to know he can soothe himself and NOT become frantic when you are gone. This needs to start from the day you bring your pup home. 

Make leaving the party time.  Put food or a treat in his/her crate or away from the door you exit. When you come home, ignore your dog.  Exuberant greeting parties when you arrive home increase the likelihood of your dog waiting anxiously for you to return.   

Prevention of unwanted behaviors is always desirable. Even rescues need to be treated with moderation.  So many times we give special treatment to rescues when really what they need is structure and leadership to overcome any hardship they have endured.  

Be careful not to confuse your needs with those of any very special dog.  

Caption:  Coming home should be a non-event.  Have your greeting after your dog or puppy has settled down.